Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
