I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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