Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
