life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize