if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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