I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
