I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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