I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
