Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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