I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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