Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
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U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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