I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
