today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
