And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
