don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
