You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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