I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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