hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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