I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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