there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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