i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
