Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
