I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
