his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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