I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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