I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
