He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
