last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
