Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
