I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
