Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
