you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
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