i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
