Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
