Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
