Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
