new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
