he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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