I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
