I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
