when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
