I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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