I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
