i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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