Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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