Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
