it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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