i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
