I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
