It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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