Who wears a wallet chain?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
