I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
