Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
