Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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