Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
