tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
