If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
