we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
