do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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