Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
