hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
