his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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