i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
