Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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