do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
