One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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