yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
