I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
