I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
