I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
