While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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