just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
